While Tim and I were having a cuppa this morning, I shared with him what I wrote to you in the last letter, telling him how God's been encouraging me to 'feel' people - with my heart, that is, not my hands! lol! ;) I explained how I had blocked out the hearts and goodness of others by using anger to guard my own heart, which came about after being fed up with a lot of unnecessary voices in my life.
I shared how I've been trying to feel the hearts of others again (with my own heart) to hear the cry of their heart, without the flesh translating 'cries of the heart' into 'noise' - especially when in a crowd, as I have been doing... [see last letter...] On sharing this with Tim, he realised the ability to feel one soul in the midst of a crowd was Biblical. My response to his thought was to sit there with a look on my face that portrayed me as being about as intelligent as a wet rag, and waited for him to explain... :)
He said that must have been how Jesus realised that power had gone out of Him while in the midst of a crowd: He 'felt' a soul.
Mark 5: 25-34
Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”
Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?”
But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”
And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
Tim mentioned this passage of Scripture and reckoned Jesus was so in tune with the ability to hear the cries of people's hearts, that when touched by a heart full of faith, He felt it. But not just felt the heart crying out, He felt power go out from Him, also. And that got me thinking: Learning to feel others with your heart - beyond what you can pick up with your physical senses - is one thing, but that's not enough.
To give healing, to give love, to meet a need, to feel compassion and act upon it, would be far more important than just feeling sorry for someone, or even feeling their pain or where there heart is at. And to be so in tune with God that He can move through you, can send His healing power through you, when faith touches Him, would be even more important.
To have power go out from you, as Jesus did, I reckon you'd need God's Spirit. And to be aware of what the Spirit is saying and doing, you need to be in close contact with the Big Guy's heart.
You can pick up on someone else's pain, but if you're not careful you can either push them away because you can't deal with their pain - no matter how sorry you feel for them - or you could focus on how much their pain is hurting you and become miserable in yourself, or you could pick up on their pain and simply say "I'll pray for you" as you go about your own business... OR you can be so in tune with God that when a heart of faith is crying out for help and healing, you are 'touched' by them, and you, being a channel for God and His power, can pass on a measure of healing - in whatever form God desires it to be.
Which means, in order to do God's will, and to let Him move through you to reach those crying out to Him, you really need to be in tune with His heart. And a hardened heart cannot do that. My hardened heart was stopping me from doing that; stopping me from being any great help to anyone.
God has called me to love, to reflect His love to the world, to pass on hope, to have compassion... but, again, I could not do that with a hardened heart. And anger - no matter what its cause - hardens a heart.
Seeing this, I've found a greater desire to have my heart softened again. I open it up, humbling it before God, asking Him to soften it, and renew it with His love. I want to see 'man' through His eyes. I want to love, as He loves. I want the world to see God's heart, not mine. And I want to help bring healing to as many hearts as possible before I leave this world. And to do that, I need to be in tune with God's heart, above all else.
Anyway, this letter's getting too long... Before I go on and on, repeating myself over and over, :) I also wanted to tell you that I'm 'feeling' other things as well. :) I realise now that holding on to, hiding behind, and/or wearing anger does not stop one from feeling; rather, it stops one from feeling the 'good' things in life: Love, peace, joy... etc.
As God is revealing the anger I hold within, and freeing me from it, I find love, peace, hope and faith are rising in me again. Because of this, joy has found me, and the world about me - and in me :) - feeeeels so much better, brighter, lighter and beautiful. I used anger to protect me, but realised that that causes me to live in an emotional, damp cave that proves to bring about depression and misery, if nothing else. I'd rather be living on the outside of that cave, of that anger, in the sunshine, in love, in peace, in joy, with God, with others, with you, than dying on the inside... It's so good to FEEL again - to feel something other than irritation, weariness and anger.
I have more to say, but I've waffled on long enough. :) So... until next time, peace to your soul, love to your heart, and light to your world.
All my love,
OH! PS. To guard against the unnecessary voices from annoying me again, I have to hand them over to God and ask for His wisdom. I can't let those voices guide my heart - even if it's in trying to run from them. Love must be allowed to lead this heart of mine, or there's really no point in having it.
See you soon... I hope.