This story was given to me, by God, a long time ago...but it was brought back to my mind recently during a couple of different conversations, so I just wanted to share it... I am not saying anyone here needs to hear it, but, well, you know what I'm like by now. If it's on my heart, I just have to write about it...just in case someone somewhere needs it...
The image I was given was of a girl in a pit. She was miserable and depressed. She cried out for help repeatedly, and, repeatedly, God sent someone to help her.
Each person that came to help, threw a lifeline to her; a rope with which they hoped to pull her out of the pit. She would grab that rope but in her heart she didn't want to be free of that pit. It had become her safe haven. What she really wanted was for others to join her in that pit; to comfort her there. Basically, she just wanted comfort, no matter what it cost everyone else.
However, what God impressed upon my heart was that, sooner or later, those who were sent - by Him - to help the girl, would come to the end of their rope. Sooner or later they would realise they weren't capable of helping the girl out of the pit, and, despondantly, they would move on, leaving the girl beyond... taking newfound feelings of insignificance with them.
For the girl, this scenario would play over and over and over again... and not once would she try to get out of that pit... She would simply keep yelling for help until she found someone to join her there; someone who would validate her grief and permit her to wollow in it eternally.
Sad, huh...
God knows I am NOT saying everyone who experiences depression is like this. But there are times in our grief where it just seems too difficult to get up and go again. It takes effort to climb up out of that pit... I know. I've been there. And I know it would be so damn easy to slide back into as soon as grief touches my heart again... but joy, peace, love and hope are not found in that pit, and God won't allow those things to comfort you in that pit, because He doesn't want you to stay there. Rather, He'll allow that pit to become cold, lonely and miserable, so, sooner or later, you will turn your heart to wanting to get out of it.
God doesn't step over the line our will draws around us. He won't go against our will, but neither will He climb into our will and serve us there. His will leads to perfect peace, joy, love and harmony, not ours..though the journey is not always easy... Our will often leads to self-gratification and God just isn't into serving the yearnings of the flesh. That's not to say He isn't willing to bless us, or give us or needs - He is. But selfishness He does not bow to, and that because He knows where it will lead us to.
When we are in a pit of misery - no matter how we got there - we often desire to block out the world; to hide in the shadows and lick our wounds; to grumble and groan about those who 'pushed us' into the pit...and other such things. And I believe there are times (when our wounds are fresh) where we need to find protection while we heal, but it's in His heart we who claim to follow Him must hide and place our faith and trust.
Sometimes, when our hearts are heavy, we will to be in that pit, because there we THINK we can find protection, a shelter from the storms of life, comfort and other such things. But, such comforts are false. Live in a pit of misery for an extended period of time and watch your joy and hope dwindle... Yeah, I've been there, too. And I confess to wanting to stay in that pit because "It's too darn hard to try again..." to hope again... to want again... to love again... to do what's right by all involved...
On coming out of depression last Christmas, the EXIT sign wasn't seen by me until I WANTED to be happy again. Prior to that the pain was my shield, my hiding place - my tomb, if you will, where I could just sit and mourn and long for what was... "What was" never returned to me, by the way. Not in the pit, and not out of it. But now I see beyond the misery and the pain and the loss, and though my heart still feels pain from time to time, the eyes of faith see a better day ahead... beyond the darkness, beyond the storm, beyond the pain...
I was once the girl in the pit... I've been the person at the side of the pit, and will willingly be again... but my heart aches for the relationships that must end when the 'end of our rope' is reached... To me, that is the saddest part of all: The severing of hearts that once were so close... especially because sometimes, it just doesn't have to be that way...
Please, know that I am not shooting this at anyone... I'm just sharing what's on my heart...
God sends us help... but sometimes we are too tired to take that rope and climb out of the pit... I know. I've been there too. It takes effort to climb out; just as it takes effort to lose weight, or gain physical strength. Giving up is so easy. That takes no effort whatsoever. Yes, again I speak from experience. I'm good at giving up. It's probably the one thing I've mastered above all other things... but God doesn't give up. Sometimes He's stood at the side of the pit Himself, and instead of offering me a rope, poured conviction into the black hole that was my heart... and He has done so because HE LOVES and wants me free. He wants us all free of that which binds us to misery...
But just remember what Jesus has said in offering someone healing: "Take up your bed and walk..." It takes effort... and that [effort] won't be found in us until we are willing to move beyond the grief... or the 'moment'... or whatever else binds us to that pit... (ie anger; disappointment; etc and so on...)