I'm sitting here with my heart set before God, telling Him it's ok if He is silent, and what happens? He speaks... :)
Often I come to Him aching to hear His voice, to have Him tell me something, anything, just so I can sense Him in the most innermost part of my being. However, this time, fine with the silence, I hear Him. He has the softest voice. He speaks with such tenderness and warmth. And when He speaks my entire being is instantly drawn to Him. It's as though He is standing behind me and when He smiles at me, I sense it, and instantly turn to Him; my heart pounds passionately as His love reaches out to embrace me.
Here, I feel I am at home. Here, I know no grief, no misery, no fear, no intimidation, no worthlessness... Here, I am guarded from the claws of life. I am safe. I am at peace. I am in the presence of pure love... and, oh - I can feel it deep within - here, I am wanted... *sigh*
I don't hear an audible voice when God speaks. I never have. Rather, there's a knowing in my spirit, in my heart, in my soul, that brings peace with it. A knowing that confirms God has spoken to me: A tender, loving whisper from His heart to mine. No one else hears what He says to me, for no one else can meet us in the most intimate part of my being. I do long for the world to hear what He says, though - that's why I write... I long to share the beauty of His being, to highlight the profound love in His heart, to echo His love for *you*, but, in such moments, all I can do is smile back at Him, oh so grateful that He loves me... that He wants me... that He accepts me, faults and all.
In my spirit right now, through the eyes of my heart, I see Him smile; His eyes alight with love. I see Him reach out His hand to me and my heart skips a beat. I wonder why He comes to me when I am content with silence, and instantly I know the answer: When I have sought His voice with anxiety, the anxiety is louder than His still small voice. This time, there was no striving to hear Him, no deep ache screaming for attention, only a peace and a gratitude that I brought with me, which I offered to Him as a gift. In this stillness, He can be heard. In this peace, He can be seen. In this moment, I long to stay eternally.
Soon, I will get back up from this place of meditation and enter the world again, as we must do daily, and the noise of life will start again. Troubles will come and go. Responsibilities will need to be met. Habits will guide my steps. Addictions will demand attention. The weight of the world may even try to consume me, and His still small voice will be hard to hear again. But here, in this very moment, as I think upon this - knowing the clock is calling - I am suddenly aware that, in order to feel this incredible peace and love again, all I have to do is be still and know that He is with me. I will close my eyes and see His smiling back at me. :)
I don't want to walk away from this place. I'm not ready to go... I want to stay here in Your presence and just enjoy You, but, as I have not been removed from this world yet, 'life' as we know it on this big planet continues, so, get up and get on with my day I must... but, Father, remind me of this moment. Remind me of the key you gave me here in this place. Hang it about my neck so I may have it with my always, so, even in the busiest moment, I won't lose sight of You.
I love you.