[copied from my notepad]
I started reading Felicia's story, and recording thought and reaction, when the television was turned on... which is in the same room as my PC. It's very difficult for me to focus on reading and writing while there's noise in the background. I have an "abstract brain" at the best of times!
Trying to record thought, re Felicia's story, I find I cannot focus - because of the tv - so I've left it for now. I've walked away from the computer, taking pen and paper with me. With these, I intend to record my reactions and actions, with the hope of discovering why I eat when I do, and, from there, finding a way out of that cycle.
I look inside right now and find myself frustrated. I SO wanted to work on this, to find motivation and inspiration asap, but, rather, because of noted distraction, I have frustration instead.
What do you think my reaction to said frustration is...? YEP! TO EAT!!!
You see, I can control that. To go and grab food and eat it is something I can do in my own power. I have power here...
Or do I...?
If I do have real power in this area, shouldn't I use that power to NOT eat, if weight loss be my goal...?!
It's 9:20am. I've been up for well over 2 1/2hours and I haven't had breakfast yet, so that's a good excuse to eat. But eating is something I have to do if I wish to stay alive. I suppose my next move then is what do I eat?
The anger born of frustration tells me to reach for the CocoPops and "serve you right, distraction and those who brought you!" But, gee, what a wretched attitude that is!
So, is this something I need to really focus on? My motives? The depths of my heart? What urges me to eat...?
At the moment, if I look at the "serves you right" attitude, I see my motives are not born of love and, as a follower of Christ and a believer that LOVE is the #1 commandment we're given, anything that is not born of love is not a good thing... and to be rejected.
So, does that mean I need to change my heart before I can conquer any other issues? Is eating a mere symptom, rather than the problem...?
Yes, no doubt it is... Which we'll learn more of as we go along, I do not doubt.
For now, I need to make a decision... and this is it: I choose love.
My hubby goes to work this afternoon. It's a wet morning, and we're waiting for our sons to ring and let us know when we need to pick them up from their friend's place. So Tim, my hubby, is watching pt3 of a mini series, and our youngest is watching it with him.
How can I begrudge the man that - especially when he's not a lazy man, and he is still getting over the flu...!
Love tells me to set aside frustration and go sit with them. So I do. I follow Love's guidance... and I feel so much better for doing so. All frustration fading.
This reminds me of when God once impressed upon my heart that when I'm angry, that's usually a sign I am thinking wrong. And, in this case, I certainly was. Love was telling me one thing, selfishness another. To follow selfishness led me to anger. To follow love led me to peace. That's not to say I don't need to do what I need to do, but love seeks priority. And even in doing what needs to be done, it must be done in love, not at the sacrifice of love, not with vain agenda, motives or emotion - and the way to gauge if your motives are pure, then one must check the state of one's attitude. One can do right without using anger to do it. If one is using anger to do what they feel needs to be done, one really needs to check one's own heart before daring to cast stones.
Ok... now my brain's branching off in new direction and thought, so I'll sign out for now and will be back asap...
Until then... Love, hugs and blessings to you... :) xxxx
Oh, in case you're wondering, I chose Weetbix with light soy milk. :) And even jumped on the exercise bike for 20 minutes! :)
And yes, I feel better for it... Frustration averted. :)
NEXT PART: http://keyverse.weebly.com/11/post/2011/12/day-ones-3rd-lot-of-notes-reading-felicias-story.html