For several months now, I've slowly drifted away from God. Once, I was at a place where I could all but feel His arms around me; knew how much He loved me; could hear His still quiet voice in my heart with ease. But, now, I feel so far from Him.
However, I am well aware that God did not move. I did. From where I once was with God, to how far I feel from Him now, is a huge leap. Had I made that leap in one jump I would have quickly returned to His side, instantly feeling the gap between us, but the path that led me from Him was not so obvious as I took one step at a time. And one small step never looks like a huge mistake until you look back and see the distance you have come, and the damage you have caused.
I could sit here and whine about God not being with me. I could complain until the cows come home that God is not speaking to me or answering my prayers. I could pout and tell you how misled I was in matters that drew me from God's side... but, the simple truth is I was led away by my own desires.
The good news is, God did not move. God did not leave me. He did not forsake me. And His mercy is new every day. In a moment of repentance/earnest regret, I can offer my heart to Him, seeking to be by His side once more, and in a heartbeat He forgives and restores... However, the next step is mine. Either I can once again live to strengthen my relationship with God, or I can chase after selfish desire... The next step is mine.
Sitting here now, aware of the rut I've gotten myself into, and totally aware of the distance I have placed between God and myself, I can clearly see the difference in my spirit now, compared to what it once was. Hopelessness, weariness, bitterness and even depression is moving back in with me. Here, away from God, the old me is waking back up. But I am not so far removed from the 'renewed' me, nor from God, that I forget the love, joy, peace, hope and faith that once filled and overflowed from my heart. And I want it back.
So, today, I'm turning my life back around...
My next step will take me to my chosen destination. Either I will use that step to take me towards God and the heart I can live with, or away from God and back to the depression and bitterness that once ruled my life... They say everything starts with a thought, even everything you are touching right now. Inventors followed their thoughts and created until they got their desired result. Me, I want a tender heart, a better outlook, greater hope, faith, peace and love. So, today, I'm setting my mind on the path I KNOW (from experience) leads to these things... and it just so happens that I found these things before on the path that led me to God: The Way, the Truth and the Life that is Jesus Christ.
"Lead on, Jesus... I choose to follow..."
76 And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High;
for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,
77 to give his people the knowledge of salvation
through the forgiveness of their sins,
78 because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
79 to shine on those living in darkness
and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the path of peace.”