A couple of weeks ago, God took me to a place where He revealed the reason I had lost heart in writing - and was losing it in other areas - was because I had swept my heart under the carpet - broken pieces and all. Apparently, this had become my way of coping.
Since then, one minor event after another has come to reflect that which had initially caused my heart to break in days now gone. And each time this has happened, I have been reminded of where the brokenness came from, and each time that occurred I was once again tempted to sweep the pieces and the sorrow they contained beneath the carpet, where the ache could be buried and no longer looked upon.
However, since God has been working on my heart in this area, and I have dared to take my every emotion - good and bad - to Him, I've been offering Him the broken pieces... each and every one of them. Sometimes I just say, "Here You go... You can have them..." while trying to ignore them, and other times I dare to sit and look at them with Him, asking what is my lesson, or why it happened, or how to deal with the pain that starts to tug on my heart... and other such things.
At one stage, when the tears hit hard, I cried, "Ok, if we're going to do this, let's do it, let's deal with it; teach me the lesson, show me what's what... only, please, take the pain away..." I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to God for taking that pain away and enabling me to face the situation without cowering, without running away, without locking myself in a dark place where I pretend nothing and no one can get me.
...I must share, though, that little niggles of pain did/do remain for a time, but I believe that is so I wouldn't/won't turn off from the issue at hand. There were/are still lessons to learn, gems to be found, lies to be silenced, hope to be embraced, and other such treasures to be discovered in the areas that brokenness had found me and was trying ever so hard to keep me, and if the pain was completely silenced, I would've simply moved on and never found these, and other, truths that bring healing and totally sets free. Now, on giving God the broken pieces, and daring to trust whatever came from His heart on receiving them, such is the weight of the pain, that I have no trouble carrying it, for it no longer feels like a burden. A humbling moment, perhaps, but not a burden. Even in the saddest revelation (such as in finally coming to terms with a closed door) there is no burden with the pain, only a knowing that God will tend to this, also, working all things for good. I can now bare what pain temporarily remains because God carries the majority of it for me, while offering me hope and peace in return.
The Bible tells us to roll our cares onto Jesus, because He cares. It also tells us that the Holy Spirit is our Counselor. And while they will meet us in our brokenness, and while they do bring light to the darkness we try to hide ourselves in, we can hear them far more clearly, and therefore heal a great deal faster, when we take the broken pieces of our soul directly to Them. God takes our broken pieces, and in returns give us the peace that goes beyond all understanding, and He gives us life ~ and that more abundantly. As I've said before, it's not a fair exchange, but it's one He's pleased with...
Me, I'm tossing out all the old carpet and going with polished floorboards. ;) I'm placing the broken pieces of my heart into the hands of the One who knows me better than even I know myself; the One who can restore, renew and recharge even the most broken heart: The Lover of my soul; God Himself. And I know from experience (but somehow had forgotten) when God heals a heart of past wounds, He detaches it from them as well, so even though we remember 'when' it no longer feels as though we were involved in that 'incident' at all. He does set free...when we dare to place ourselves in His hands...